Diary, Me

I hate this limbo.

When time walks slowly,
and your head hangs low .
When the burden seems a bit too dreary,
and the path is full of snow.

When sunshine seems a distant notion,
and the skies are dark and grey.
When you feel tired and lonely,
and you feel you have fallen prey.

When it seems like hope is far,
You will definitely see the star
Keep up your soul & your spirit
Light is never really far.
Light is never really far.

Its been quite a while since i wrote anything and that mindset seems to be a continuing phase. Life is slow, boring and basically nothing great is happening .This gives the feeling like i am stuck in a limbo of sorts – a space which i don’t know how to manage, which is very unfamiliar .What i know is that it feels very sober,demotivating and dull and that i want to move out of this as soon i can.

And in an attempt to try and understand this i put an introspection in place and i have been to reach some conclusions:

  1. The men in my life don’t meet my standards:Whew!!! A lot of men have come and gone . One has tried to stay.But none makes me feel good.I find that something lacking , Always .And that something is not always the same . Its sometimes this ,sometimes that,sometimes both and sometimes more.Well .. am sure you get the drift.
  2. My job is killing me big time: i am one those stuck in the software industry with a job as mundane as mundane can get and i see a future very bleak in this company and don’t see a point working here at all whatsoever.I am person with some artistic inclinations and would love to take off on a journey to anywhere to give it some release and see what comes of it. But alas, woe is me .I am need of the money because of reason 3.
  3. I am in debt:credit cards and the blah .. and yes i am fallen.The situation is being remedied with careful planning but i don’t like the idea of a tight purse.This puts a hold on a lot of things i could do and makes me regret my past (that i hate)
  4. My life lacks activity : i work..i learn some french…i read… that’s it . My life is otherwise like land covered in ice – bleak but under the ice there is a lot of promise.
  5. I am bored of living where i do: i WANT A CHANGE big time .. but that’s not yet to be … i plan to move out in a few months but the wait is killing me …i want to move to place where the crowd is broad minded,where the men are nice and open doors for women,where the women are nice to all, where i get a good job and lead good life …. Not that where i stay doesn’t provide all this – only that the crowd is sad, the men are bad and women are worse. The job bit – gives a good pay , that’s it.
  6. My expectations are always a bit tall : and i end up disappointing myself .I expect a star, but a tree top is all i get and the gap between the 2 kills me …

I am hoping that this would be a passing phase and that i would be out of this as soon as possible .

If you reading this , the rest is read as well . DO comment .
Thanks to picasaweb.google.com/…/uvhsoa1zi1OWKMktA20Hbw for the picture.


2 thoughts on “I hate this limbo.

  1. Anonymous says:

    whilst I agree these are formiddable negative feelings suchi, first and foremost you must derive comfort from the fact that you are not the only one who goes through all this. And any ‘alive’ person having a cent worth of soul must go through such feelings, for it is the dissapointments that more often push us ahead than our ambitions.1) Ideal men dont exist. because the very notion of idealism is stupid.It denies us the privilege of making mistakes. Of learning the right by doing it wrong.So love yourself most and cut slack for men in your life who err, but if that calls for ur prolonged unhappiness then move on.its not worth it.always remember a relationship is as much compromises as it is anything else. Your parents and mine are standing examples that often such is the world. and to expect anything more is purely a RISK. In other words, if you expect more, be also prepared to be hurt more.2) You are wonderful. because of the very fact that you have done introspection and found out that you value your job more than its money,and cant stand it becoming mundane. Belive me, you dont know how many people never consider it worth there time to do such introspection..you must pride yourself at being so much better. But, the real challenge is in acting. in bringing the change. go ahead. do that thing your heart always wanted…soar..save money and volunteer if you dont get/lack experience for that dream job.worst comes you will always find a ‘job’ again. But the process of forcing change in your life will leave you transformed. will make you bold and daring. This I talk from experience. do something. anything.but do it. dont just sit and let the grudge and complaint eat you up.There will always be problems and people and parents and reasons that will withold you at the threshold. But you owe yourself crossing that threshold and making that change.3, 4…I am sure you will change this if you want..you are one smartgirl for these things.5 and 6… I think Bhagvad Gita often lends messages wiser than ourparents often gave us. “Your only duty is to act (right to work) and not to worry about the fruits (or the results) thereof.” and I sometimes think this summarises why we are often miserable…One option is to stop worrying where you are heading and what the result of your effort is going to be.and just to give your best and then go home and party.now guessing who this is?its meeeeeeeee ganesh 🙂

  2. Anonymous says:

    Muhaha Life Stinks !! But I am sure you will get there soon. Life can be good if you stop the negativity, if you don’t like your job, move on. If you want to do something, stop thinking and just do it – but PLAN WELL, but don’t procrastinate. And, try best not to think or write about the boring and the negative stuff..Just ignore it. The more you think about it, the more you are bored. You know you dislike something, writing about it is going to make you feel worse. Just fix it ! Then come and write HOW you fixed it. That is positive…RULE number 1 – always think positive – always say and think positive. Rule number two – always follow rule number 1…Rule number 3 – Check yourself before you wreck yourself – Aaaiiii

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